My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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