Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
