he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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