So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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