you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
