She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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