Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
