I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
