ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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