I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize