im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
