i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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