kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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