If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
