your thong is hanging out like whoa
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
