the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
