I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
