I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
