Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I look better un-naked...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
