isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
