I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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