He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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