I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize