He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
