somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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