I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
