I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
