You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
