I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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