R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize