how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Vodka?
Forever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
