Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
