im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
