if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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