are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
