At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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