dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
