I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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