He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
