"it" just moved
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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