ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
