Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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