Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
