he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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