i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
