I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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