He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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