Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
