we have officially lost it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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