If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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