If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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