I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
