Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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