smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
tell me about the eggs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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