i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
