you didnt know i had herpes?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
