sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
