ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
