Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
