Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
