Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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