I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
