just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
