so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
