my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
