alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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