Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
