Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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