Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
