you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
