I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
