No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
