would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you would pick up someone in the library
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
